


The Madness That You Feel Will Soon Subside

by ro_mm_ck



Category: Firefly, Serenity (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-28
Updated: 2010-01-28
Packaged: 2017-10-11 18:38:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/115659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ro_mm_ck/pseuds/ro_mm_ck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mal takes peace in a moment where he didn't expect to find any.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Madness That You Feel Will Soon Subside

**Author's Note:**

> this is for faythbrady who asked for this... um literally in NOVEMBER. I got sidetracked and then forgot about it because that's just how I am. *headdesk* She asked for "firefly; mal/ river best intentions" and here's what I came up with. Though not a song!fic, it's absolutely inspired by "If I Ever Leave This World Alive" by Flogging Molly. You can check it out here. (blip.fm link) Thanks to shannon730 for the quick look see.

Facing death had a weird way of clarifying things. People often said their entire lives played in high speed the moment before death. Others said the world slowed to a snail's pace just before and that slowness caused a person to see things as they really were.

For Mal Reynolds, it was like a combination of the two. When Serenity cleared the clouds, everything seemed to slow down for a moment. It was as if he were looking the Operative straight in the eye rather than facing an armada of ships.

When the Reavers followed in after him, everything sped up in a hurry. Wash maneuvered in and out of danger so quickly it was impossible for Mal's mind to calm for long enough to focus on one thought. Images flashed in his head of moments in his life: the first time he'd ever ridden a horse, his mother and father cooking dinner in the kitchen, finding Serenity, the dog he'd had when he was small, fox holes with Zoe, sitting with River in the infirmary... all flashes of light in infinitesimal moments while Serenity angled toward the planet's surface.

Taking his eyes off the window for one moment, Mal looked beside him at the crew who had agreed to follow him into a mission basically tantamount to suicide. Their expressions were nearly identical, save one. His crew was set on going through with this insane plan but the fear showed clearly on their faces as the banks and turns became more jerky and uneven. River, however, seemed almost eerily calm. She took it all in stride in an odd way that had come after the events on Miranda.

River. He'd tried to do right by her. It seemed as if she and Simon were a catalyst for what Mal and Zoe had been trying to do for years during the war. These two fugitives brought about chaos for the Alliance in a way that endless battles and death never could.

Mal found himself getting caught in her stare. For a moment, it was as if they shared a single thought. Hope. He couldn't help but be hopeful that they would succeed. Even with guns blazing around them and the planet becoming larger and larger in the window, Mal couldn't help but feel a sense of peace when he looked into River's eyes. Something about the shared gaze gave him the feeling that things would be okay. People would die, there was no way it could be avoided, but for the first time in decades he felt like things were actually going to change for the better.

He watched as she smiled quietly at him. Her concentration focused back on the battle at hand and the moment was lost. The feelings it created, however, remained in his stomach as they crash landed onto the planet. He held onto that hope even after they lost Wash. He couldn't help grasping at the peace he'd found in her eyes as he played commander one more time and guided his troops through the maze into Mr. Universe's compound.

Through the battle with The Operative and the slow painful walk back, he held onto that look in River's eyes. Finding Zoe and the rest of his people lying broken and bruised on the floor, he scanned the room for River and came up empty. The hope in his stomach rose into his throat and threatened to choke him as Zoe looked toward the closed door and the sound of the Reavers fighting beyond it.

For the first time since they'd landed, his head hung down as he was faced with the prospect that he'd lost the one person whose faith had shone through the fear to bring him some semblance of optimism that they would survive this thing. He couldn't help the sigh that escaped him as the calm endurance in her eyes came back to him. His spirit broken, body beaten, Mal prepared for another attack as the blast doors began to open.

Instead of a fight, his fierce and bloody albatross stood alone. Hands clenched on the Reaver weapons, she appeared no worse for the wear. Her eyes were focused on him once more. The warrior had taken over her body but the calm returned as she took deep breaths. Bodies littered the ground at her feet. The dance he'd seen at the bar was nothing compared to what River was obviously capable of.

As the battle wound down into resolution Mal couldn't help but wonder what exactly had happened that day. They were free to go... for now. Things would still be dicey but he had his ship and a feeling that things were moving forward.

"So, you gonna ride shotgun with me, help me fly?" he asked as she sat down in the cockpit.

"That's the plan," she answered with ripples of the same calm she'd given him with a look.

As they took off, he couldn't help but believe that things were going to be different for all of them but most especially for him and River. He'd taken care of her in every state there was but something about this brilliant peace made him believe that, though he'd had the best of intentions, he was never going to be a father figure to her. There was something there and, after everything they'd been through, he was finally going to be able to find out what that was.

 _If I ever leave this world alive,  
I'll take on all the sadness that I left behind  
If I ever leave this world alive,  
The madness that you feel will soon subside  
So in a word, don't shed a tear.  
I'll be here when it all gets weird.  
If I ever leave this world alive..._

 _So when in doubt just call my name  
Just before you go insane.  
If I ever leave this world...  
Hey I may never leave this world...  
But if I ever leave this world alive _


End file.
